I have noted before and will likely do so again that I do not ever drive without my seat belt.  Not even across a parking lot.  I know the minute I do, it will immediately signal the powers that be... 

Time for that car to get smashed and hurry it up before she remembers!  

***

I often wonder if the people on the road around me really have driver's licenses or if they simply get away with driving because no one ever checks.   It is possible they consider the rules of the road something to study for "THE TEST" and then they can forget them.  Rather like that test they took in Remedial Math.  (after all who needs all that math junk once you're out of school...)

The day started with my usual trip to Starbucks.  Of course most of the trip was behind a panel van that straddled two lanes.  Why use one lane when you can use 2! It's so much more fun!   No use trying to get around the outside as there wasn't quite enough room. Of course going around the inside takes you into oncoming traffic which is just a little too wild and crazy for me before I have my caffeine. 

Ah well. We must strive to remember, if he's in front of us, we can see and avoid whatever  inventive actions he decides to take to make the trip more fun. If he's behind us, we have to worry about whether he will stop before running into us at the next light.

***

Somewhat later in the day I was behind a couple of cars as I was driving to another town to get my hair done. There is a T intersection with a blinking light.  It blinks red on the street that ends and yellow on the thru street.  We were on the thru street. 

The person 2 cars in front of me either did not know the meaning of a blinking yellow light OR they were trying to be "nice". Heaven save us from the "nice - well intentioned" driver.  There is a special place hell reserved for them.

Instead of doing the expected and driving through the intersection.  The driver, in a sudden fit of saintliness, stops and waives at a waiting car to make a left turn.  What could possibly go wrong???

The cars behind "The Saint" must slam on their brakes as they were not expecting to stop.  The person turning isn't sure if they should go or not... will the waiving incarnation of St. Peter  decide to suddenly gun it without warning?    Will "The Saint" wait for oncoming traffic to clear the intersection so the person can turn left without being t-boned? Can the person turning even see the mad fit of flapping hands attempting to signal... "please go ahead of me"?

If it's bright and sunny or night time, the answer would be... NO!  No they can not see you, your windows are a black hole which even keen eyesight can not penetrate. However, this never deters them in their zealous effort to "do good"!   So everyone sits looking at the other cars for a few minutes trying to decide what is best to do so there is no sudden crunch of metal. 

Good job!!! Had it been rush hour, with miles long lines of cars moving at 5mph, this would be a nice gesture.  In the middle of the day, when traffic is light... well... we all have a chance to sit and stare out the window in a state of high anxiety, making this a uniquely fun driving experience.  Who knows what will happen next!

...

With one unpredictable act under our belt, the question is... will we see more?  This is the thinking as we follow the saintly driver into a traffic circle.  It's not a large circle, it's not high speed, and it's fairly easy to navigate...  unless you find yourself in the middle and suddenly forget why you're there. This person turns into the circle and with no one in the way, stops.  Right in the middle.  What an excellent place to ponder the meaning of life.  Right where you are bound to be smacked by another vehicle.  Puts things in perspective doesn't it. After contemplating the most interesting navel in the world... this driver decided maybe it was time to move on.  Thereupon taking off madly down the crowded main street like a bat out of hell.  (possibly late in picking up a new supply of Thorazine - one never knows)

***

While I was in getting my hair done, a very large panel van pulled in next to my car in the parking lot - naturally.  This makes it impossible to see when backing out.  My car is a magnet for very large panel vans, huge SUV's and mega sized trucks. I believe it has some sort of "mating call" going out to these vehicles.  It's the only reason I have for always being surrounded by very large truck-like objects that completely obstruct my view.

After my hair is finished, I get in my car and slowly back out of the parking spot, knowing exactly what will happen.  With precision timing synchronized swimmers would give their eye teeth to have, a car comes racing down the aisle of the parking lot at about 20 mph on the blind side... naturally.  He zoomed by with inches to spare.  As there is a restaurant next to the lot, perhaps we should assume he was starving to death and needed immediate sustenance.

***

Eventually, I made it home in one piece.  However I'm considering an Abrams Tank for my next vehicle. Impervious to cars bouncing off of it, able to see over all vans, SUVs, and other truck like vehicles. Best of all armed to the teeth. 

It has appeal.

Posted by: Teresa in Idiocies at 09:48 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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